Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
