You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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