NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
