And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
