I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
