Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
