so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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