So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
