As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
