i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
