Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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