Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
