he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
