Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
