Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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