just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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