Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
