I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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