plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
