fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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