Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
