who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
