carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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