If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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