is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
