haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's rum buckets o'clock
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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