I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
