Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
