I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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