I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Umm I'm too high to move.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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