He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
