One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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