I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
