Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
