I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can I color on your dick again?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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