she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
