He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
