overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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