i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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