Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
