I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
