Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
