Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
did i just pee glitter
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
