i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
