We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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