You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
