I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
