Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
