For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
