my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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