According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
