for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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