So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
