So gin and wine won't be happening again
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
