I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
