Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm always down for nudity.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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