so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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